My Homemade Miscarriage Almost Left Me Dead

Too scared to seek help, I tried to do it myself. I woke up sweating. Overly hot. Like panicked hot, desperately trying to take the blankets off me but tangling myself back in them until I sat up and got mad and threw them off. It was only then that I realized I was bleeding. A lot. I was miscarrying and I knew it. I knew it because I needed it to happen, had indeed caused it to happen, and was terrified of what was going to happen next. I jumped out of my bed and landed practically in the […]

It’s the little things…

This morning I cried while buttering my bagel. And while yes, I believe butter on a bagel is that beautiful, that’s not why I cried. I cried because I felt lucky to have the bagel. I felt, believe it or not, proud to have this bagel — and the five or six other bags of bagels that I know are on top of my fridge and in my freezer. And yes I’m crying while I write this. Again. Dear reader, please keep some tissues around. I cry a lot, unwillingly. There was a time in my world when walking through […]